Y.O.U
P.S. I never told you, but I fell for you.
I think knowing you is such a blessing to me,
Although we only met each other shortly in this life,
Your presence has had a significant impact on me.
It lasts long.
And I truly cant thank you enough for that.
Before I met you,
I didn’t know that butterfly can tickle my belly,
It felt strange yet magical.
I thought people who look up to love made it up,
But it’s real! It was there whenever you were around.
Before I met you,
I didn’t know that I could be at a loss for words,
I cannot say anything, I forget everything.
It’s like buffering.
And suddenly my mind went blank whenever you were near.
Whenever we were apart, I imagined that we could have a great conversation,
But it never happened.
I just can’t say anything, I can’t think of anything but you.
Suddenly I felt like the stupidest person in the room.
Before I met you,
I never knew that I was such a great detective.
The moment I realized that I was interested in you,
My curiosity leads me to get to know you.
Along the way, I found some shocking facts that I’d never imagined before,
That’s predictable though, none is perfect.
However, still, my heart calls your name even amidst the crowd.
Before I met you,
I never realized that our casual short talks in the gazebo or canteen
while waiting for the next classes would be the moments I cherished in the future.
I tried my best to keep up in the conversation with you.
Hiding the fact that I was dying inside.
Unable to breathe nor smile normally.
I could never act normal around you.
But that’s kinda exhilarating!
Before I met you,
I would never know that loving someone in secret is so exciting.
I can admire you without getting caught by others,
We can still be cool friends.
Sometimes we also have little interactions,
Those made my day one hundred and one percent leveling up!
Only looking at you smiling from afar made me happy.
It’s a little secret that I have between God and me.
And it’s so precious.
Before I met you,
I wouldn’t learn how to let go of someone you like.
It hurts, indeed.
There were many regrets, indeed.
However;
Looking at you smiling at another beautiful human being,
Proudly showing the world that she’s someone you fancy,
Seeing that you guys were perfect for each other,
Somehow made me a bit glad.
I’m glad that someone I like is living a blessed life with a beautiful soul;
Who is perfectly fit for one another.
Before I met you,
I would never know loving someone doesn’t mean having them by your side.
Loving someone doesn’t mean that you trapped another soul in your cage,
Ordering them to do things that you want them to do,
Making their lives harder just like in hell.
That ain’t love.
Loving someone means that you have to nurture, support, and even let go of them.
Even if it means that you have to sacrifice your heart.
The feeling of love should be comforting and rewarding.
In my case, just seeing his smile in his little world is enough for me.
As I’ve been a secret admirer of him,
I deserve this.
Only if I could turn back time to two thousand and seventeen,
If I had known that in the future we won’t end up together,
I would have been more brave in expressing my feelings.
Although there is a big chance that you would reject my feelings.
That’s inevitable, but at least I’ve tried.
But for now, I can’t do anything except ask God that you’ll be okay wherever and whenever you are.
I really hope that you’ll be happy often.
Because of you,
I learned how to love and how to let go.
But if another time we come across each other and you’re all alone, shall we try?
For now, I just wanna say “Thank you” and “goodbye”.
O.O — 29 Jan 2025
